Money Doesn't Exist Separately From the Rest of Your Life

You know that feeling when you check your bank account before buying toilet paper? Not because you're being financially responsible, but because you're terrified. That’s not normal.

When "That's Just How We Do Things" Stops Working

I work with Black Caribbean women and women of color who are exhausted. They are tired from saying yes when everything in them says no. They are tired of being the family bank and carrying everyone else's financial stress on top of their own. Like, we have bills too.

The wildest part? Most of them didn't even know it was trauma until someone named it.

What Nobody Tells You About Financial Stress

Money problems aren't just about not knowing how to budget and save. They're also about living out beliefs you inherited:

• "Be grateful for what you have; asking for more is ungrateful."

• "It’s selfish to keep money when your people are struggling."

• “Rich people are sellouts.”

• "People will change on you when you get money."

• "You never know when the rug will get pulled out from under you."

• "You can’t afford to do what you love; you do what pays."

• "Money don’t grow on trees; stop asking for stuff."

• "That’s our family home; it stays in the family even if no one can afford it."

  
  

These beliefs kept our people alive, but survival isn't the same as thriving. As a generational cycle breaker, you get to be the one who stops it.

Creating a simple budget at a cozy workspace

The Real Reason You Can't "Just Save More"

Standard financial advice doesn't work because it ignores the truth: your relationship with money is wrapped up in everything you were taught about love, duty, and what makes you a good daughter or person. Nobody told you that loving your mama doesn't require financial self-destruction. Nobody told you that saying no to one request doesn't make you selfish. Nobody told you that you're allowed to help your family and keep your lights on.

So you keep trying to manage your money while carrying generations of unspoken expectations. And you wonder why nothing changes.

Where Change Actually Starts

Shockingly, change doesn’t actually start with a budget spreadsheet. That comes later. What if you flipped the narrative? Instead of looking at where you are as meaning something is wrong with you, become curious instead. Or, as I tell my clients, "observe without judgment."

For example, if you find yourself obsessively checking your account before buying anything, that's information, not failure. You said yes and sent money you couldn't afford to send? That's data about what you were taught, not proof you're broken. You're one car repair away from everything falling apart? That's the situation and not a reflection on your worth. The first step isn't fixing anything; it's accepting where you are without drowning in shame about it.

Writing affirmations to build self-trust with money

What "Taking Charge" Really Means

Taking charge of your money doesn't mean becoming someone new. It may mean unlearning some beliefs and habits that were never yours to begin with or that you recognize no longer serve you. It means understanding that the pot never turns off; you can turn down the heat. Not all at once, but slowly, until you can finally breathe.

It means understanding that every time you choose yourself, you're teaching the people watching you that it's okay to have limits. And yes, it means learning the practical stuff too—how banks work, what credit actually costs, and why boundaries matter. But none of that sticks if you're still carrying shame about needing help in the first place.

Finally, financial wellness isn't just about the numbers. It's about:

• Forgiving yourself for things you didn't know.

• Grieving what your family never had.

• Learning to rest without guilt.

• Knowing you deserve peace too.

• Leaning into the discomfort of saying ‘no’ and setting boundaries with people who don't want you to have them.

  
  

That's the real work, and it's harder than any budget. But the truth is, you have already been doing hard things your whole life. You've been managing impossible situations with limited resources while everyone around you assumed you had it together. So setting the course to financial wellness is not you starting from scratch, but rather, you starting from experience.

The Journey Towards Financial Peace

Understanding Your Emotions Around Money

Money is often tied to our emotions. It can evoke feelings of fear, guilt, or even shame. Recognizing these emotions is crucial. It's okay to feel overwhelmed. It’s okay to feel lost. What matters is how you choose to navigate these feelings.

Building a Support System

You don’t have to do this alone. Surround yourself with people who understand your journey. Seek out communities that resonate with your experiences. Whether it’s friends, family, or professional support, having a network can make a world of difference.

Creating a Sustainable Plan

Once you’ve acknowledged your feelings and built a support system, it’s time to create a plan. This isn’t just about budgeting; it’s about setting realistic goals. Start small. Celebrate your wins, no matter how minor they may seem. Remember, progress is progress.

Embracing Your Worth

You are worthy of financial peace. You deserve to feel secure and confident in your financial decisions. Embrace your worthiness. Allow yourself to dream big. Your financial journey is uniquely yours, and it’s okay to seek help along the way.

If This Hit Home

If you're in Georgia and this sounds familiar, if you're tired of money stealing your sleep, if you're done being the family bank, if you want to help your people without destroying yourself, I work with women navigating exactly this. Not generic financial advice. Not therapy that doesn't get the cultural piece, but support that understands why "just stop sending money home" isn't real advice when your family depends on you.

You don't have to carry this alone, and seeking help isn't betraying your family. It's honoring those before you who didn't have access to safe support.

Financial peace is possible. Not perfect. Not overnight. But it is possible. One boundary at a time. One "no" at a time. One choice to put yourself first at a time.

You've carried enough.